


After the Battle

by divianamalfoy (Diviana)



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Gen, HP: Epilogue Compliant
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-07
Updated: 2018-04-07
Packaged: 2019-04-19 15:26:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,013
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14240256
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Diviana/pseuds/divianamalfoy
Summary: After the end of the Battle of Hogwarts, I didn’t feel like a winner I felt every emotion that I had ignored during the fighting welt up inside of me and threaten to spill over. I had too much to think of and no way to express it.





	After the Battle

**Author's Note:**

> This is an old fic migrated from my abandoned [Livejournal](https://divianamalfoy.livejournal.com/975.html#cutid1)

The waves lapped the shore endlessly. To and fro as destiny had ordered it to kiss the land and let go. Chilly air blew across my face, my numb face, as sat deep in thought. Faces of those who died appeared in the depths of lake I stared so deeply into.

Remus, Tonks, Colin, Sirius, Fred and all those who died in the war just because of their association with me. They were dead because of me. Teddy would never see his parents because they both fought in the war. Maybe if I had given myself up earlier, may if I had died earlier I would have been able to save them. I knew they wouldn’t like if I felt guilty for something I knew they would believe wasn’t my fault. Maybe it wasn’t, but it certainly felt like it was. 

What was the point in all of this? Why did I have to save the world to lose half the people I loved? Why did don’t I feel victorious like all those heroes in myth? All I felt was sorrow and guilt. How was I any different from those on the other side of the war? I had killed, had cursed, had harm another human being - no matter how little humanity they held. 

Yes, I was happy that ensured a better world for Teddy and the next generation, but that type of satisfaction couldn’t ease the depression I felt at this moment. I was all alone, even if I had Ron and Hermione as mate I still didn’t have someone to share everything with. Ginny might be the one, but I don’t think she would understand the emotions in my heart right now. She had always thought of me as a hero and I don’t think she’s realised I’m just a boy. I need proof that what I did was right... that their sacrifices were worth it. 

Regret, I felt so much of it that my shoulders fell. I regretted never knowing the good man Severus Snape was. I regretted bringing the battle to Hogwarts. I regretted that my childish had allowed Sirius to die. I regretted every innocent death that had occurred because I happened to be there. 

I wasn’t at fault some logical part of me knew that, but the rest didn’t. I wanted cry and scream, but those emotions were locked behind some wall I built long ago when I lived under the Dursley’s and weakness equaled to pain. If I didn’t cry, then it didn’t really hurt me. Now I wanted that wall gone, but didn’t fall. All that regret, all that guilt, all that pain swirled inside me like cyclone ripping me apart piece by tiny piece. 

It was like time had froze me and separated me from the world so I could feel every I had ignored during the war only to find I couldn’t express them. I felt like the sand in front of my eyes slowing being grounded by the waves of emotions slowly running against my mind. 

I heard steps that I ignored for they were familiar. That gait was one I assumed would pass right by me as it always had; however, it stepped closer invading my bubble of solitude. I reached inside my cloak for the object I assumed he was searching for. Slowly I placed the wand behind me expecting him to pick it up the leave. 

He didn’t. Picking up his wand, Malfoy paused looking at my expression before settling down right beside me.

“Thank you,” said Malfoy barely above a whispered. 

“You’re welcome,” I replied in a matching tone. I disliked the thanks of people since most of them were people who really shouldn’t have been thanking me. Most of them had been strangers or relatives of the students that had fought with the D.A. They had not proper reason to thank me it was their child’s skill that had saved them not me. 

“Why are you out here?” Malfoy asked.

“There’s too much people inside and I need to think. To avoid the parasitic news people I guess,” I gestured vaguely towards the castle. “Why are you out here? Shouldn’t you be with your family?”

“I should,” Malfoy inclined his head to watch the stars. “I just wanted to see the sky one last time before I was prosecuted.”

I stiffen at the thought of Malfoy in prison. He might have done some bad things, but he didn’t deserve the Dementors, no one did. I couldn’t blame Malfoy for doing what he did because he had done it for his family as I would have done for the Weasleys and Hermione if put in his shoes. Also, his mother and he had helped me out when it mattered, the Malfoys had shown me they were human when it mattered.

“I’m going to testify at your trial,” I decided thoughtfully.

A wry chuckle broke from between Draco’s lips. He spoke tiredly, “Probably happy to see me behind bars. You always hated me.”

“No, I stopped hating you a long time ago. Some time between sixth and seventh-year the war made it too time consuming to hate you. I’m not happy to see you behind bars either. I don’t think you deserve or neither does your mum. I might believe you deserve some sort of punishment, but in the end it was your family or death which isn’t much of a choice at all. I’ll testify honestly how both your mum and you helped me,” I spoke firmly, gathering my determination. 

“Not my father?” inquired Malfoy softly.

“Your father’s done too much to get off free, but I’ll tell them in the end he did what was right and looked for you,” I sighed. 

“Thank you,” Malfoy said again just a bit firmer. “What are you going to do now, Potter?”

I smiled sadly, “Try to get a portrait commissioned for Professor Snape.”

Talking to Malfoy had started the gears in my head to try to start a new beginning, to make a difference while I still can.


End file.
